Winter weather, the cold months, are getting harder to handle the older I get. Intolerable things never get easier, they weigh heavier on you the more you have to endure them. There's just some things in this world that I cannot be apart of; I just have no interest whatsoever. It is kinda sad that I feel like I gave up a few months of adventure to hide from the cold weather. The more I stay under the covers the more I do not want to leave. Last week I finally left the abode to check out some new music. I found myself in a pub in Toronto that I have never been to before. The ambience was lovely; my friends and I agreed that places like that actually make us think it would not be so bad to live down town. But alas, I long for the quiet life. I'm conjuring up a way to escape that which I am beginning to loathe. The brightside of the bright lights and big city is truly the music. We are very lucky in Toronto that many awesome bands come through here on the regular. The band I saw last week was fantastic, they reminded me of the Lumineers. I find it interesting that folk music has made it's return on the scene. Folk music is the true essence of a small town and simple life.
I spent any extra money I had on concert tickets the last month; I have 3 exciting shows coming up. I still have a deep seeded issue with money that stems from my childhood. I realized this week that I have trouble letting go of the cost of things and always calculate in my head exactly how much fun costs. This is probably inhibiting my experiences of letting go and living freely. I do believe that money is the underlying cause to the destruction of the soul. That any given person will let go of all hopes and dreams to give into the almighty dollar, as it is what keeps us functioning on this planet. I gotta admit, I would rather be poor and happy then stuck up and rich.
My best friend went to El Savador to build a home at the end of last year. She saw poverty unlike many of us have ever witnessed before. What struck her the most was that even amongst all the poverty, the people were happier than anyone back at home here in North America. It seems to me that people who do not have material wealth have a better grasp of what is most important in this world. They smile more than those who own homes, cars, iphones, 20 pairs of shoes, etc.
I don't want things. Things do not interest me. I do however need to survive. I need to figure out a balance in my life where I can live healthily and feel secure enough to pass that onto the next generation. I need to do work that does not hurt any other being. Work that does not hurt nature. Work that does not make the corrupt more powerful. I could never do work that makes a person's life more difficult. Work that causes more pain and stress on a life that is already just trying to get by. Like placing parking tickets on a car or handing out bills or charging such high interest so that people are in debt to banks till the day they die. I have a vision; now I have to trust the process.
I was so close to asking a telemarketer last night what they wanted to be when they were 5 years old. What was your dream? What did you give up on over the years? What did you see yourself doing with your life before life defeated you with bills? I am lucky. I have a supportive family so I can switch careers and make mistakes and keep on truckin' because they provide me with a roof over my head and food in my belly. Without them I could very well be that telemarketer on the phone.
I re-watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy last week. I am really loving films again, the way I did when I was a child. The ring truly corrupted every soul that it came into contact with greed and power. It is the human condition to be weakened by the desires of the Ego. How many people can truly say that if they had the power and the wealth would they really be selfless about it? I do not think I am above any one else I merely recognize it. In recognizing the truth and accepting it we can grow to fix what is harming the rest. I can recall a concept that a teacher shared in high school about how people are always selfish and that the only time they become less self involved is when they have children. However the child is really an extension of the person, so does anyone ever look outside of them self and do good for all of mankind?
I do not believe that the walls of society were built in our best interest. I do see those walls crumbling. I see a whole slew of people who are not equipped with basic human survival skills. Many people do not even know how to cook a basic meal from scratch. We depend too much on convenience. Our grand parents knew how to build homes, hem pants, plant gardens, kneed dough... We know how to google information and most people do not even use this as the tool it is.
As far as society is concerned, the government, the police, the education system, the monopoly of business, I believe only one thing: Rules and Regulations are a Refuge for the Incompetent.
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