Letting Go

Since I've been home from my travels I have been coping really well with my inner turmoil derived from past mistakes and hurtful actions.  Focusing on what is positive and reminiscing on all my blessings.  I've been reading more closely into spiritual growth and development; I have realized that everything is already coming into place so naturally.  I've been rollerblading regularly as a means of release and exercise.  I know that I need that time to physically exert myself at a speed that makes me feel strong and alive.  For me, physical exercise is the best way to maintain a healthy mind.  I do yoga as my stretches before a good blade and it is balancing me so wonderfully.  Making time with good friends who appreciate your energy has been so uplifting lately and brings me such comfort and joy.  I still have my moments of set back however.  Sometimes at night before bed keeping me from sleep or in the morning when I awake and feel the pressure of suppressed words coming forward.  My herb work is like weight-lifting and with every pump of the 20 ton pneumatic bottle jack I either release great energy in the form of dance or bad energy with brute force and strength.  I truly do not want to go about finding my energy the latter way even if at times it helps in the quick completion of an order.  I had a little anger in me this morning unable to get a little thing off my mind.  Unfortunately since I've been home I am often being made privy to such information that I would prefer to not know.  If someone out there is saying mean and hurtful things about me, words that bear absolutely no merit and not an ounce of truth, I would prefer for such hateful things to die as they are being said and to not live on by giving them the chance to be repeated.  It is frustrating for me because I feel helpless in this situation because I know that if I were to try and talk reasonably with this person it would only result in more frustration because reason has long been out the window there.  I spent 3 years of my life trying to show someone their potential, compromising my own self-worth in the process; in the end it has only left me hurt, confused and ready to jump off a cliff.  Today during my lunch I burnt my finger on the stove.  After that, every time the hot water touched my burn as I was cleaning  my tools it would burn more.  Maybe this is another form of my self destructive behavior, but I felt like I deserved it because I had been letting my anger consume my form of energy for most of the morning.  Every time it burned I used it as a reminder to focus on the positive.  Hater's always gonna hate, right?  I hadn't been for a good blade in a week since the rain hit.  Today I got back on track to let out the bad energy and reap the rewards of a positive outcome ("feeling good looking good how 'bout you?").

Discovery & Insight

(What I have learned and know to be true...)

Life is not about the things that make or break you.

Life is not about good luck or bad fortune.

Life has everything to do with how you deal with life.

Life is all about taking those horribly unfortunate experiences, meditating on the lessons and thus learning how it will serve to broaden your existence and experience.

Life is about remaining humble about your accomplishments but also sharing your joy with others with honesty and freedom.

Life is all about how you cope with Everything under the Sun!

Life is all about the goddamn Lemonade!

Some of the most happiest people in this world have been through some of the most pain and horror that we could ever imagine.  Some of the most miserable people have had the most blessings and unconditional love that you could ever dream of.  It is ok to fall at times, we all have, but dammit pull yourself together and pick yourself up.  Shine in the way we were all meant to shine.  Shit happens for us to learn and grow, there is no other way to do so, and I must say I am getting pretty darn used to it by now.  If I haven't succumbed to being completely jaded by now then there is hope for us all.

"He had burned everything there was to burn within him; he had scattered so many sparks to start so many things – and he wondered whether someone could give him now the spark he needed, now when he felt unable to rise again. He asked himself who had started him and kept him going. Then he raised his head. Slowly, with the greatest effort of his life, he made his body rise until he was able to sit upright.... He never asked that question again." | P1C2 (Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand)