JOY

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I am in a very good place right now.  I have not tried to sell my clothing line publicly in almost 3 years.  I never said I gave up; merely needed some time off to find that drive inside me to push on through.  If I may be so bold into calling what I do "Art", I will say that being in this field of work is difficult.  It has the power to lift your spirits so high when you succeed and likewise drop you to your knees when you fail.  Currently I have a closet full of clothing I have made all by my own two hands.  I have 5 large rubber bins and 3 boxes filled with material I have purchased or been given within the last 10 years of my sewing and designing existence.  I have so much clothes I have made for myself that I have always had trouble getting rid of; I don't wear any of it, I don't want it anymore, but I cannot throw out my work!  I went through all of my bins and boxes last night to see what materials I could use for the new pieces I am going to start working on today.  While going through all my materials, instead of being sad that I have so much material, I had so many plans that I never fulfilled, instead I was brought to tears and filled with joy that I have found the strength to try again.  This time I am taking a new and old approach.  I remember vividly the plans I had for my future when I was 14 and started sewing so I am implementing my old dreams into my new line because the ideas I had at 14 are still very alive inside of me.  Just like my dreams of travelling across Europe were born when I was a young teenager, so was my art choice and every time I succeed in fulfilling these dreams a tiny insecure 14 year old me shouts for joy!

My friend Jes is moving and decided to get rid of a few of her books to make the load a lot lighter.  My first reaction was, NO don't give me any books I have too many!  But then she pulled out some that really caught my interest.  A dream book, I had some real intense and realistic dreams last night that will be with me all day today.  A meditation book, my New Year's Resolution was to learn how to meditate this year and it will happen.  A punk rock Buddha book called "Sit Down and Shut Up", I cannot wait to read this on the beach this summer!  Lastly, a book about spirituality, and with that a quote I would like to share:

Wise Farmer, Wild Horse

A wild horse one day appeared and made its home in a farmer's field.  "How lucky you are to have acquired such a fine horse for nothing!" said his neighbours.  "Maybe, maybe not," replied the farmer.  The farmer's son, who was his only helping hand around the farm, tried to ride the horse.  It threw him, breaking his legs.  "How unlucky for you," chorused the neighbours.  "Maybe, maybe not," replied the farmer.  The young man was left behind when the emperor's soldiers arrived in the village to conscript all the able-bodied young men into the army, many of whom were to die in the war.  Meanwhile, the farmer's wild horse ran away.  "How unfortunate!" cried his neighbours.  "Maybe, maybe not," rejoined the farmer.  The horse returned to his field bringing his entire herd with him.  "What good fortune!" exclaimed his neighbours.  "Maybe, maybe not," reflected the wise farmer.