"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way."
~ Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
I got blessed with being handed the best and most important job of my life a few months ago. I also got faced with the most unusual and confusing family emergency at the same time. For both instances I could not say, "why me?" No, I know way better than to ask such a silly question. I must ask, "why not me?" I accepted the job with enthusiasm and excitement, fully aware of the responsibilities involved, or so I thought. It had never occurred to me that someone so close to me could become ill and that I could not ask for a leave of absence to help out. The moral dilemma that springs forth when you feel helpless. Giving up is not an option. Running away is not ok.
I'd been very busy working away at the theater all summer, a job I have been yearning to obtain for years. It has been a godsend for me. I am learning the skills that I have always wanted to learn more about, especially carpentry and painting. I have made amazing bonds with the friends that I work with, bonds that last forever. I have gotten such amazing feedback to uplift my spirits and self esteem, helping to reiterate to myself that I am worthy of the job. When my boss walked into the shop one day and looked to me like he was about to deliver terrible news, he said "Hey Trish, ummmm, I have some news, we need you to work behind the scenes on 39 Steps." I was thrilled! I told everyone that walked by, "hey did you hear the news?" I think my friends sometimes think i'm on double rainbow pills... Apparently it was going to be a shit tonne of work and a crazy schedule. As more duties got laid on my shoulders, the happier and more useful I felt! THIS was going to be the time of my life.
Simultaneously, I get a late night/early morning text from my brother telling my that my parents house flooded, way worst than the last time. I wake up, 8am and immediately call home. My mother picks up and tells me all about the storm. I was in shock. I am living an hour and a half a way and we did not even get a mere drop of rain. I get to work and my friend showed me the footage on his phone. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My neighbourhood got especially damaged as we live in a valley next to a creek. I called home everyday, my mother would speak to me for hours at a time, mainly just to let it out. I bugged my brother relentlessly to go over and help them, he said they did not need the help. I felt trapped. I felt homesick. I wanted to be there to help clean up the mess, to help ease my mother's troubled mind. I have no car to get home, there is no bus system here. I sucked it up and hoped things would get better.
I got my course schedule and book list for school during that time as well. I knew that I must start researching used books to keep my costs low. My work schedule barely allowed for this to happen but I was able to spend a Saturday afternoon searching for the best deals. I bought 10 books, which covered my first 5 courses. I felt relieved. I tried to relay the message to my mom, that I was saving money and doing good but she was starting to slip away. That night I also had an extremely hectic turnaround (a turn around is when we take down the previous stage and build the next one, we work all night long). The day before, on the Friday, I got a message from my brother. I was in rehearsals with the actors. I was given a roll for the puppet scene. I was more than thrilled that I could actually be in the play. I never asked for such a role, I did not expect such a duty, but I loved every minute of it. My brother told me that my mother was going crazy, that he was pulled aside by our neighbour and warned him that something very serious was up. I got home from work that night and called my mom, we talked for over an hour. I was attempting to keep her on the line because I knew she could not hold up her shtick for too long. As soon as I started telling her about how the play was going she disappeared. The line was dead. The first stage of panic set in. It's crazy that in this day, with all our many forms of communications, I could not find a single neighbours phone number on the internet. All my friends are scattered, I couldn't think of anyone who could go and check on her for me. Thankfully, she finally answered the phone 10 minutes later not realizing that she ended our phone conversation in mid-sentence.
Sunday to Wednesday were 12-14 hour days for me. It was worth it because 39 Steps was the best play that ever crossed the stage. Our dress rehearsal ended up being in front of a live audience on the Wednesday! We had a few mishaps the first few days, such as curtains not closing properly, a lamp post falling from backstage onto the stage, a smoke machine breaking down... It all came together, while my home fell apart. I called home Monday during my lunch/dinner break, it was a very scary phone call. I will not get into the details at this point, I will say this, I called the Doctor's office immediately and left a message as it was already closed. The next day my mom was in to see the doctor and given some pretty intense pharmaceutical pills. It got worse. I had to be present at work for very long hours and wipe the emotion from my face, on stage for the first time, acting for real.
My only day off was that following Sunday. I decided that if I can't go home to help I would bring my mom to me. I was going to borrow a car to get her on the Sunday, but instead my dad offered to drop her off on Saturday before I went into work. Naturally it was raining that day, I sat shaking and waiting. They arrived and my mother did not look like herself. 2 weeks of intense stress did a number on her physically. Psychologically, she was gone. Scariest day of my life. I made the choice to call an ambulance, she needed help, sedation, something that I could not offer with my own two hands. I had two shows that day while my mother was in the hospital, my dad and uncles and aunts checking up with her. Sunday, my first day off in over two weeks, I was up earlier than usual and off to the hospital. She was smaller than ever before, but much calmer. My brother came down to help as well. It rained again on Monday, the stress got to my dad as well, but thankfully we were already at the hospital when it happened.
Tuesday I was back at work, my dad and brother were back in the city and my mom was released from the hospital under my care. My uncles were nice enough to check in on her while I was working. Co-workers were asking me how I enjoyed my time off and all I could say was, "I'd rather be working." By Friday it was getting difficult for me. Mental illness is something that I've never dealt with in such an extreme case first hand. Saturday my dad arrived to take her back home but before they left they came to see the play. That was a very happy moment for me. A few days before I had missed my cue to walk on stage and pick up the fence because I had started day dreaming about my mom being well enough to come see me in the play. I knew she would regret it if she didn't come. Friday I forced her to walk with me around town and I could not get her into the theaters doors. So for her to come in the very next day was a miracle at that point.
I got through that time and did not break down. I dealt with the stress the best I could, by living in the moment. I watched and worked in that play for 3 weeks, 8 shows a week, each and every time I was thankful for every single moment. The pressure was on me to walk out of work to help my family but I did not think that was the right thing to do. When I felt tears forcing their way into my eyes while sweeping the stage before a show one day, I chose life. Life is always happening around us at all moments, I can't focus my life on sickness and death. Keeping my duties, kept me in one piece. After all, what is the theater if not the perfect escape from life's troubles? I knew that when my mom got better, she would regret it if I had to give up my job. I was working to pay for my school tuition and I needed every single day of work to accomplish that. I had said to my boss/friend at work during that time, "I am sorry, I feel like I am not at my best right now." He said, "But no, in fact you are at your best because you are dealing with so much stress but are still pushing through." He was right, our best is not when we can do great when there are no obstacles in our way, our best is doing great despite the obstacles.
The play was a hit. My mom continued to get back to being herself a little more everyday. By the end of August, my parents were down to party for the Mumford and Sons Stopover Tour in Simcoe. I took on a job as a driver and scored back stage passes. Trust me, I did not need another day of work at that point, I worked the entire month of August. At certain times, my beloved sleep can wait. Like when I am travelling, and when I am working the coolest job ever at such an amazing festival. With that extra last minute gig I saved up the final amount I needed for my tuition. The following weekend I came home with a check in hand. I walked into my schools office and payed for the entire tuition in full. The most money I have ever spent in one transaction in all my life. A very proud moment indeed.
Sunday to Wednesday were 12-14 hour days for me. It was worth it because 39 Steps was the best play that ever crossed the stage. Our dress rehearsal ended up being in front of a live audience on the Wednesday! We had a few mishaps the first few days, such as curtains not closing properly, a lamp post falling from backstage onto the stage, a smoke machine breaking down... It all came together, while my home fell apart. I called home Monday during my lunch/dinner break, it was a very scary phone call. I will not get into the details at this point, I will say this, I called the Doctor's office immediately and left a message as it was already closed. The next day my mom was in to see the doctor and given some pretty intense pharmaceutical pills. It got worse. I had to be present at work for very long hours and wipe the emotion from my face, on stage for the first time, acting for real.
My only day off was that following Sunday. I decided that if I can't go home to help I would bring my mom to me. I was going to borrow a car to get her on the Sunday, but instead my dad offered to drop her off on Saturday before I went into work. Naturally it was raining that day, I sat shaking and waiting. They arrived and my mother did not look like herself. 2 weeks of intense stress did a number on her physically. Psychologically, she was gone. Scariest day of my life. I made the choice to call an ambulance, she needed help, sedation, something that I could not offer with my own two hands. I had two shows that day while my mother was in the hospital, my dad and uncles and aunts checking up with her. Sunday, my first day off in over two weeks, I was up earlier than usual and off to the hospital. She was smaller than ever before, but much calmer. My brother came down to help as well. It rained again on Monday, the stress got to my dad as well, but thankfully we were already at the hospital when it happened.
Tuesday I was back at work, my dad and brother were back in the city and my mom was released from the hospital under my care. My uncles were nice enough to check in on her while I was working. Co-workers were asking me how I enjoyed my time off and all I could say was, "I'd rather be working." By Friday it was getting difficult for me. Mental illness is something that I've never dealt with in such an extreme case first hand. Saturday my dad arrived to take her back home but before they left they came to see the play. That was a very happy moment for me. A few days before I had missed my cue to walk on stage and pick up the fence because I had started day dreaming about my mom being well enough to come see me in the play. I knew she would regret it if she didn't come. Friday I forced her to walk with me around town and I could not get her into the theaters doors. So for her to come in the very next day was a miracle at that point.
I got through that time and did not break down. I dealt with the stress the best I could, by living in the moment. I watched and worked in that play for 3 weeks, 8 shows a week, each and every time I was thankful for every single moment. The pressure was on me to walk out of work to help my family but I did not think that was the right thing to do. When I felt tears forcing their way into my eyes while sweeping the stage before a show one day, I chose life. Life is always happening around us at all moments, I can't focus my life on sickness and death. Keeping my duties, kept me in one piece. After all, what is the theater if not the perfect escape from life's troubles? I knew that when my mom got better, she would regret it if I had to give up my job. I was working to pay for my school tuition and I needed every single day of work to accomplish that. I had said to my boss/friend at work during that time, "I am sorry, I feel like I am not at my best right now." He said, "But no, in fact you are at your best because you are dealing with so much stress but are still pushing through." He was right, our best is not when we can do great when there are no obstacles in our way, our best is doing great despite the obstacles.
The play was a hit. My mom continued to get back to being herself a little more everyday. By the end of August, my parents were down to party for the Mumford and Sons Stopover Tour in Simcoe. I took on a job as a driver and scored back stage passes. Trust me, I did not need another day of work at that point, I worked the entire month of August. At certain times, my beloved sleep can wait. Like when I am travelling, and when I am working the coolest job ever at such an amazing festival. With that extra last minute gig I saved up the final amount I needed for my tuition. The following weekend I came home with a check in hand. I walked into my schools office and payed for the entire tuition in full. The most money I have ever spent in one transaction in all my life. A very proud moment indeed.
No comments:
Post a Comment