Exactly a year ago today, I was on my way from Napoli to Sicily. It had been a dream of mine to go to Sicilia probably since I saw the Godfather for the first time. I also drew inspiration from this ancient land from a book I read that I had found at a Salvation Army back in the day called, Olivo Oliva. Sicily is just full of tradition and culture and surrounded by the crystal clear turquoise sea. Before leaving to Europe, I had thought about designating a whole month to the land. I would meet my friend, Pame, and we would rent a car and travel the whole soccer ball. One thing led to another as time grew short so I was only able to give a week to that dream. I conquered only a mere smidgen of the land but oh boy, was it ever spectacular and breathtaking Absolutely stunning. I would go back to Sicily in a heart beat.
I met Pame on an early Wednesday morning. I had taken a night train to save from losing another day travelling. I walked from the train station to meet her at an apartment she had rented the night before. I came up to the address and buzzed, she poked her head out from the window up above. And so our adventure began. I could honestly write a script based upon that one day in Palermo alone. We walked the streets together looking for a specific something. We had been travelling together through Athens but then separated for a week and a half; me to Santorini and her to Berlin. We spent that entire day taking turns telling parts of our stories. Everything surrounded around the one event that was leading us on this treasure hunt. If I were to write this movie, I would call it "The Morning After" and it would resemble a Woody Allen film but be inspired by Before Sunrise.
Palermo wasn't doing it for me. I wanted to see the countryside, not another dirty Italian city with garbage heaps everywhere and men making passes as we walked down the street. We found a farm to rent in a nearby town called Alcamo. The ad stated "Holiday, Nature, Sea, Relax". However I think it also said "fun" at the time but Massimo had since changed the ad. It was a mere 20 Euros a night! We jumped on a bus and headed to this town on the sea. We arrived at a bus station near a park. The sun was shining bright, it was warm as hell. I went inside the small bus station/cafe and got me some pistachio gelato. The boy serving it really scooped in that ice cream, it was practically over flowing. Our host, Massimo, arrived right at that moment as I was devouring this mountain of a treat. We got into his little car and he took us to the farm.
We pull up to the gated house and I am already blown away. In front was the hills and countryside that I had always dreamed of. The farm was laced with lemon, fig, and olive trees. Massimo had planted every single one of those trees with his Grandpa when he was just a boy. The farm had an outdoor kitchen and a nice relaxing deck. Pam and I agreed, that it would be so nice to just lay outside for the next few days and do absolutely nothing. I pictured myself walking along the winding roads, picking flowers, making things out of nature. She said that she would help me learn more Spanish as I was heading to Spain next. Well my plans to relax didn't quite happen.
Massimo took us to the Termo's that very day. The Termo is a natural hot spring. It is off the beaten track; a place we never would have found without a local helping us. It was really awesome to just chill out in that hot water. Relax all the aching muscles from the journey thus far. On the way back, we got some groceries from the market and Pame and I made a lovely dinner for two. I even picked a lemon from the tree for the salad dressing.
That night we washed up and jumped into bed, about to watch Choclat, as Pam was absolutely appalled that I had never seen that film before. But then Massimo and his friend Guisseppe showed up at our door ready to take us out on the town. I really did not want to go but also did not want to be rude. So I quickly got ready and obliged. We went into the little town of Alcamo and got the largest beer I have ever seen in my life. Guisseppe could not speak any English, I could not speak any Italian, Pamela is fluent in Spanish and could have a conversation in Italian, Massimo's English was great in my opinion. Unfortunately, that night, not much English was spoken. I felt like the odd man out. It was difficult sitting at a table with people who are all laughing having a good time and I am sitting there like a lamb lost in the woods. At that point, I really would have preferred to just be alone instead of faking a smile to accommodate their comfort. The night was good though, it was lovely out and we saw some nice spots in Alcamo. I was most happy to be home in bed at the end of the night.
The next day I woke up way earlier than Pamela. My mind would wake up and that was that. I enjoyed the morning to myself, showering and puttering around in the garden. Eventually Massimo showed up to take us somewhere beautiful. As much as I just wanted to hang out in the garden, I did not want to be a party pooper so off we went. He first brought us to a cute little cafe where we got drinks and I got a very yummy pastry. Massimo took us to the beach which is right in the back of the apartment he lives in. I was in shock, I said this is what you see everyday!? The beach has white sands stretching out as far as the eye can see. The day was sunny and hot, we were in luck! We did some yoga and went for a walk, I was in awe of how clear the water was. Massimo and Pamela were goofing off and I was having this urge to just be alone. I walked off from them to just do my thing.
Eventually the three of us were laying on the beach hanging out. I was reading and Massimo was bugging me about it. Telling me that reading was boring and he kept interrupting my story. I was starting to get a bit annoyed. I just wanted to do my thing; I love reading on the beach it is my favourite. He went inside his apartment to change or shower or something and asked us to wait. The wait was long. We were in the sun, I was starting to feel myself losing it slightly. I could feel the desire to to just be alone growing inside me.
Pame and I really wanted to find a place with wifi that day. By the time we got into town nothing was open. The boys really wanted to cook dinner for us so Massimo took us to pick up Guisseppe and we went to the market. Little things started weighing on my patience. It is unlike me to not be able to go with the flow, something was up but I didn't understand what yet. Next thing, we were back at the farm ready to cook dinner. I had mistook the dinner plans, I thought we were eating at either their places. I felt a little bit like our privacy was being encroached upon. I mean, we rented a private house and now visitors were coming over to cook. I had left all my things lying around so I nervously tried to clean up a bit for them. Dinner was good. I was bad. I felt my emotions getting ready to explode. I was faking a smile as much as I could but deep down inside I felt absolute misery. I did not eat much and I fought the tears back the entire dinner.
Afterwards, the boys were giving Pam a nice massage on the deck. I snuck away to the back of the garden where no one could see me. I sat in the dirt and I cried. I cried and cried. I dug my hands deep into the garden to feel the earth that I had so longed to feel. I could hear Pame in the distance calling for me. I did not want to worry her but I also just really wanted my moment in that garden to be private. I had to come out of the garden and tell her that I was feeling highly emotional and I didn't know why. She was understanding and supportive.
The next morning, I was up early again. I discovered that choosing to not put sun screen on my legs was a bad idea. My legs were as red as a tomatoe. I found some sunglasses and put them on. Pam got mad at me because they weren't mine. I wasn't stealing them, I was just trying to hide my puffy eyes. I felt tears already forming, I knew my mind was lost and I wasn't sure how I would get it back. Massimo arrived and we were off on another adventure. Massimo had suggested that they speak English to make me feel more like a part of the conversation, I thought that was a great idea but Pam just kept reverting back to Spanlian. I put my headphones on. I knew I was being antisocial but I was trying to do things that comfort me, to try and aid my emotional state. That day I realized my issue with being helpless in a car. When I am not in a healthy mind state, I have discovered that I can realize where my weaknesses lie. When things from the past that I may not have fully dealt with come crawling back to haunt me. Like the lava in a volcano waiting for eruption.
Massimo was always picking us up and taking us somewhere. I didn't know where we were going and I did not have a choice in the matter. I felt helpless. To make things clear, Massimo is the nicest guy in the world. Taking us places like that was so amazing of him, he asked for nothing in return. At that time, I was just going through something emotionally and I felt even more guilty that I was not able to enjoy what he was doing for us and thus being unappreciative. So my guilt just made me even more emotional. My realization that day about being in a car and being helpless was a common theme of my past. When I was a child my father often drank and drove. He picked me up from school many times inebriated and I remember being very scared. I was a child, I had no choice but to get in the swerving vehicle. Later, after my dad had quit drinking for 5 years, he had relapsed and it was discovered while he was driving our family to the cottage. It was the 1 year anniversary of when his father passed away. It clearly effected him and he snuck some alcohol. While in the car we noticed something wasn't right with him. He was drunk. We pulled over and my mom took the wheel. I had a flood of memories that I had repressed since childhood come back at full speed. It was a lot to handle. It is the underlying cause to why I do not like feeling out of control and trapped while in a vehicle.
My first ex-boyfriend used to take the opportunity to yell at me while in his car. He knew I could not walk away so when I would not expect it he would drive me somewhere and just start yelling at me. I felt so helpless, I often thought of throwing myself out of the moving vehicle but I never did. I would always end up crying and he would not let me go home until I stopped crying so that my parents would not know that he just berated me. My second ex-boyfriend was a horrible driver. He never wore his seat belt either. He would smoke weed, talk on the cell phone, check out girls passing by, change the radio, and eat a sandwich all at the same time while driving. Being in a car with him had me always on a constant alert. He passed through stop signs on numerous occasions. He made me feel very unsafe.
So here I am in Sicily, looking out the window at the most beautiful scenery and all I can think about is my past hurts because the situation is triggering my memory. I did eventually snap out of it. Guisseppe brought me a cigar that day and it really helped to calm my nerves. We went to a lagoon like beach and it was so beautiful. I swam in the Mediterranean Sea for the first time ever that day. We also rode on a scooter. Oh man I laughed so hard on that scooter. There was 4 of us on it and Massimo was wearing a speedo and Pame could feel his junk bumping around on her back! We were dying of laughter! The boys joked that we would get to have free lunch that day, in jail.
We went to another beach along the way and also to a small village. It was a great day. I also realized that day why I was losing my mind. I have a B12 deficiency. I give myself monthly injections of B12. While travelling, my doctor thought it would be best if I did not carry needles with me. So I was taking daily B12 pills. They weren't working and I realized that the hard way after I had been 6 weeks on the road. We went searching for a pharmacy but could not find one that had what I needed. Sicily is oldschool. Massimo was feeling pretty bad, he thought I was not enjoying his beautiful homeland. I told him that just was not the problem, I have a health issue and it is why I have been so distraught the last few days. At this point Pame and I still hadn't had access to the internet. I really wanted to let my parents know I was doing well and I also really needed to find a place to stay in Palermo for the one night I would be there before catching my plane to Seville. Guisseppe brought over his laptop and we got to do our computer stuff. Massimo called his friend who worked at a pharmacy and we explained my dire need for my B12 shot.
The next day he dropped us off into town and we of course had to wait hours for the pharmacy to open as it was Siesta. I caved at that point and bought a pack of cigarettes. They helped to calm me down and aid me. I went into the pharmacy and got my medication. We took it back to the farm. I opened the package and it looked nothing like how it looks back at home! The needle was way larger, I felt like I was in a cartoon and a nurse was pulling out a syringe and my eyes were popping out of my head. The glass vile had to be broke and then mixed. I had no clue what to do. Massimo helped me and showed me how it was done. I will say it again, Sicily is oldschool! I managed to suck it up and get that long needle into my leg. Within minutes I felt better.
It was our last night in Alcamo so we begged Massimo to take us back to the Termo's for one last night time dip. It was lovely and I felt like myself again! Sicilia really is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been to. I will go back one day and explore the rest of it. I really wanted to visit Etna, and at that time the volcano was highly active. The moral of this story is that sometimes adventures don't go as planned. Sometimes the experience can by brutal and sad. The point is to take even those bad experiences and hold them close to your heart and to understand that there is a lesson to be learned. Even though my emotions took a hold of me that week and inhibited me from being happy; I look back and feel like I would not want it any other way. I learned a lot from this experience and I had to lean on friends, both old and new, who showed me love and compassion. For that I am grateful.
I met Pame on an early Wednesday morning. I had taken a night train to save from losing another day travelling. I walked from the train station to meet her at an apartment she had rented the night before. I came up to the address and buzzed, she poked her head out from the window up above. And so our adventure began. I could honestly write a script based upon that one day in Palermo alone. We walked the streets together looking for a specific something. We had been travelling together through Athens but then separated for a week and a half; me to Santorini and her to Berlin. We spent that entire day taking turns telling parts of our stories. Everything surrounded around the one event that was leading us on this treasure hunt. If I were to write this movie, I would call it "The Morning After" and it would resemble a Woody Allen film but be inspired by Before Sunrise.
 |
| A Postcard for Neener |
Palermo wasn't doing it for me. I wanted to see the countryside, not another dirty Italian city with garbage heaps everywhere and men making passes as we walked down the street. We found a farm to rent in a nearby town called Alcamo. The ad stated "Holiday, Nature, Sea, Relax". However I think it also said "fun" at the time but Massimo had since changed the ad. It was a mere 20 Euros a night! We jumped on a bus and headed to this town on the sea. We arrived at a bus station near a park. The sun was shining bright, it was warm as hell. I went inside the small bus station/cafe and got me some pistachio gelato. The boy serving it really scooped in that ice cream, it was practically over flowing. Our host, Massimo, arrived right at that moment as I was devouring this mountain of a treat. We got into his little car and he took us to the farm.
We pull up to the gated house and I am already blown away. In front was the hills and countryside that I had always dreamed of. The farm was laced with lemon, fig, and olive trees. Massimo had planted every single one of those trees with his Grandpa when he was just a boy. The farm had an outdoor kitchen and a nice relaxing deck. Pam and I agreed, that it would be so nice to just lay outside for the next few days and do absolutely nothing. I pictured myself walking along the winding roads, picking flowers, making things out of nature. She said that she would help me learn more Spanish as I was heading to Spain next. Well my plans to relax didn't quite happen.
Massimo took us to the Termo's that very day. The Termo is a natural hot spring. It is off the beaten track; a place we never would have found without a local helping us. It was really awesome to just chill out in that hot water. Relax all the aching muscles from the journey thus far. On the way back, we got some groceries from the market and Pame and I made a lovely dinner for two. I even picked a lemon from the tree for the salad dressing.
That night we washed up and jumped into bed, about to watch Choclat, as Pam was absolutely appalled that I had never seen that film before. But then Massimo and his friend Guisseppe showed up at our door ready to take us out on the town. I really did not want to go but also did not want to be rude. So I quickly got ready and obliged. We went into the little town of Alcamo and got the largest beer I have ever seen in my life. Guisseppe could not speak any English, I could not speak any Italian, Pamela is fluent in Spanish and could have a conversation in Italian, Massimo's English was great in my opinion. Unfortunately, that night, not much English was spoken. I felt like the odd man out. It was difficult sitting at a table with people who are all laughing having a good time and I am sitting there like a lamb lost in the woods. At that point, I really would have preferred to just be alone instead of faking a smile to accommodate their comfort. The night was good though, it was lovely out and we saw some nice spots in Alcamo. I was most happy to be home in bed at the end of the night.
Eventually the three of us were laying on the beach hanging out. I was reading and Massimo was bugging me about it. Telling me that reading was boring and he kept interrupting my story. I was starting to get a bit annoyed. I just wanted to do my thing; I love reading on the beach it is my favourite. He went inside his apartment to change or shower or something and asked us to wait. The wait was long. We were in the sun, I was starting to feel myself losing it slightly. I could feel the desire to to just be alone growing inside me.
Pame and I really wanted to find a place with wifi that day. By the time we got into town nothing was open. The boys really wanted to cook dinner for us so Massimo took us to pick up Guisseppe and we went to the market. Little things started weighing on my patience. It is unlike me to not be able to go with the flow, something was up but I didn't understand what yet. Next thing, we were back at the farm ready to cook dinner. I had mistook the dinner plans, I thought we were eating at either their places. I felt a little bit like our privacy was being encroached upon. I mean, we rented a private house and now visitors were coming over to cook. I had left all my things lying around so I nervously tried to clean up a bit for them. Dinner was good. I was bad. I felt my emotions getting ready to explode. I was faking a smile as much as I could but deep down inside I felt absolute misery. I did not eat much and I fought the tears back the entire dinner.
Afterwards, the boys were giving Pam a nice massage on the deck. I snuck away to the back of the garden where no one could see me. I sat in the dirt and I cried. I cried and cried. I dug my hands deep into the garden to feel the earth that I had so longed to feel. I could hear Pame in the distance calling for me. I did not want to worry her but I also just really wanted my moment in that garden to be private. I had to come out of the garden and tell her that I was feeling highly emotional and I didn't know why. She was understanding and supportive.
The next morning, I was up early again. I discovered that choosing to not put sun screen on my legs was a bad idea. My legs were as red as a tomatoe. I found some sunglasses and put them on. Pam got mad at me because they weren't mine. I wasn't stealing them, I was just trying to hide my puffy eyes. I felt tears already forming, I knew my mind was lost and I wasn't sure how I would get it back. Massimo arrived and we were off on another adventure. Massimo had suggested that they speak English to make me feel more like a part of the conversation, I thought that was a great idea but Pam just kept reverting back to Spanlian. I put my headphones on. I knew I was being antisocial but I was trying to do things that comfort me, to try and aid my emotional state. That day I realized my issue with being helpless in a car. When I am not in a healthy mind state, I have discovered that I can realize where my weaknesses lie. When things from the past that I may not have fully dealt with come crawling back to haunt me. Like the lava in a volcano waiting for eruption.
Massimo was always picking us up and taking us somewhere. I didn't know where we were going and I did not have a choice in the matter. I felt helpless. To make things clear, Massimo is the nicest guy in the world. Taking us places like that was so amazing of him, he asked for nothing in return. At that time, I was just going through something emotionally and I felt even more guilty that I was not able to enjoy what he was doing for us and thus being unappreciative. So my guilt just made me even more emotional. My realization that day about being in a car and being helpless was a common theme of my past. When I was a child my father often drank and drove. He picked me up from school many times inebriated and I remember being very scared. I was a child, I had no choice but to get in the swerving vehicle. Later, after my dad had quit drinking for 5 years, he had relapsed and it was discovered while he was driving our family to the cottage. It was the 1 year anniversary of when his father passed away. It clearly effected him and he snuck some alcohol. While in the car we noticed something wasn't right with him. He was drunk. We pulled over and my mom took the wheel. I had a flood of memories that I had repressed since childhood come back at full speed. It was a lot to handle. It is the underlying cause to why I do not like feeling out of control and trapped while in a vehicle.
My first ex-boyfriend used to take the opportunity to yell at me while in his car. He knew I could not walk away so when I would not expect it he would drive me somewhere and just start yelling at me. I felt so helpless, I often thought of throwing myself out of the moving vehicle but I never did. I would always end up crying and he would not let me go home until I stopped crying so that my parents would not know that he just berated me. My second ex-boyfriend was a horrible driver. He never wore his seat belt either. He would smoke weed, talk on the cell phone, check out girls passing by, change the radio, and eat a sandwich all at the same time while driving. Being in a car with him had me always on a constant alert. He passed through stop signs on numerous occasions. He made me feel very unsafe.
It was our last night in Alcamo so we begged Massimo to take us back to the Termo's for one last night time dip. It was lovely and I felt like myself again! Sicilia really is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been to. I will go back one day and explore the rest of it. I really wanted to visit Etna, and at that time the volcano was highly active. The moral of this story is that sometimes adventures don't go as planned. Sometimes the experience can by brutal and sad. The point is to take even those bad experiences and hold them close to your heart and to understand that there is a lesson to be learned. Even though my emotions took a hold of me that week and inhibited me from being happy; I look back and feel like I would not want it any other way. I learned a lot from this experience and I had to lean on friends, both old and new, who showed me love and compassion. For that I am grateful.
I loved this post :)
ReplyDeleteThank you lady!
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