Where I'm At

I wish I had a recorder for my thoughts it would make keeping a log a heck of a lot simpler.  I've always been able to find comfort in music; I seem to relate better to songs than the people I encounter on my path.  I can relate to everyday people on a specific subject but not on everything and anything that truly matters.  The subject today is... (DUH DUH DUH) love...

I see so many couples together (having been in Paris and now Venice) loving, holding, kissing and I am not jealous.  I would much rather be alone than with someone because when you are with someone they have the power to fuck your shit up.  They have the power to take what is good and great and wonderful and happy and rip it to shreds.  I feel like a wounded bird; as much as I loathe to admit this.  I feel like I've been trampled on a few too many times.  When you love someone and give them your soul they then have the power to take it and squeeze it until it hurts so much you start nurturing the thought that perhaps life isn't all it's cracked up to be.  At this point in my life I would much rather be alone and sad then with someone and be miserable.  I'd rather be the master of my destiny than to let someone in and have them change everything I ever set out to do and more. 

I see the happy couples and I am not sad.  I remember a time when I hoped that love would fix everything but instead learning that it only complicates my journey in life.  I used to think that love should only make life easier; for me it has been detrimental to my existence.  I either love too much and I cannot have it or I give it my everything and he says it is not enough.  I do not want love to hurt; I want love to heal.  I don't want to feel like a goddamn wounded bird... like my wings have been clipped or my soul compromised. 

I am giving life my all from now on.  I am now here to tell those whom I love how much they mean to me and those whom "suck ass" to go and fuck themselves (pardon le french).  "I've got love in the face of fear".  At a point in my life I thought that I would have loved to of travelled with a partner but things do not always work out the way in which you want them to; I cannot let these things in life destroy me because if I did I would be making the biggest mistake of all.  The point is to push on through; to take all the bad and claim, "no more!".  To not let it effect you to the point of no return.  We will all experience hardships but we must make the choice to persevere.  I may be wounded but I am not broken forever.  I just need a little time to heal.  To make my wrongs right.  To grab a hold of life and shake it so hard that it has no choice but to EXPLODE!  Explode into a million colours and songs. 

Lesson of the day:  I would rather be alone and a tad sad than be with someone and be filled with miserable regret.  I am standing up from now on for true happiness and life and love.  You can expect the truth from me.  You can expect me to share my time and my experiences.  Expect me to invite you on my adventure; expect that I will not be upset in the slightest if you decline.  I am happy.  I am loved. I am alone.  I am growing and learning everyday.  I will give only my best to everyone and I will expect absolutley nothing in return and be totally content.

I am gratefull for my family and friends; they fill my life with so much laughter. 
xoxoxoxox
one love
peace out from Venice