Forgiveness

It definitely does not hurt to have a bit of a reminder every now and again, even for those who have learned to move on and forgive.  Here is an interesting read I found today at:  http://tinybuddha.com.  

How to Forgive Someone:  30 Tips to Let Go Of Anger

1. I remember them as a child and it’s much easier! -Joy Thompson

2. I remind myself that I forgive not for them but for me and that it’s easier to forgive than to hang on to so much anger, hurt and betrayal. -Sarah Clark

3. I just acknowledge that we are humans, so we are allowed to make mistakes. -Haydee Lizbeth Lopez Cruz

4. Remind yourself that they are not separate from you; they only appear that way. Then you will realize you are one, and it is yourself you are forgiving. -Justin Hayden

5. Do not keep thinking of the past or the bad thing that happened; when you let go of it, you get over the anger/bitterness that you felt and it clears the path of forgiveness! The best thing is time! -Ashna Singh

6. Remember that we are all doing the best we can at the time. -Diane Paul

7. Remind yourself of how much forgiveness would mean to you if it was your turn for a mistake! – Carol Mcbride-Safford

8. Wayne Dwyer describes how hate is love which has been turned around. Seeing the expression of what can’t be forgiven as love makes it easier to forgive. Were also all doing the best we can, according to our own evolutionary state, including those we find hard to forgive. – Lise Heeley

9. Because it takes less energy to love and forgive than it does to stay angry and hold a grudge. It brings peace to your life. -Linda Adams

10. I know that I need to forgive someone, not for their benefit, but for my own peace of mind. Don’t do it for them, do it for you! -Cathryn Kent

11. You remember why you love them. Love is about forgiveness.- Holly Chapman

12. Forgiveness comes easier with the passing of time. I tend to find that, if I am wronged, I forgive the person before they forgive themselves, and when I am in need of forgiveness, it is I who feels the guilt for longer. -Mandy Richardson

13. Stop thinking and just do it. Open your heart and forgive. -Lindsey Windrow

14. Don’t force it. If I don’t feel forgiving, I can at least not act on my anger. Eventually forgiveness will come if you welcome it. -Julie Trottier

15. Just learn to smile and let things go. -Sudharma Lama

16. Give up on all hope of a better past. -Matt Child

17. Every time you think of them send them love. After a while it gets easy. -Crystal Chang

18. Meditate, meditate and meditate some more until it’s gone! -Margot Knight-Guijt

19. The harder it is to forgive someone else, the more I am responsible. When I understand and forgive myself, forgiving others is easy. -Pamela Picard

20. Two different approaches. One involves restoring your boundaries and sense of protection first. The other involves focusing on what your body is feeling and stop dwelling on the offense. Both involve being present. -Chris Campa

21. Forgiveness comes easy when you know that what people say or do is about them, it’s not about you. -Kim Kings

22. Shift the focus, feel the pain and think of the thousands of others in the world who are also feeling the same pain, then send a loving-kindness message to everyone to be relieved of this suffering. -Nick Ong

23. When it happens I often ask myself “What strengths must I develop further from this?” Often the feeling of resentment just goes away, slowly but surely, because I wasn’t focusing on the person that wronged me, but the lesson that the event was trying to tell me. -Natassia Callista Alicia

24. I allow myself to feel again whatever I didn’t express “in the moment” when I was with them. Forgiveness always seem to follow those (usually) difficult emotions. -Cynthia Ruprecht Hunt

25. Write a brutally honest, emotionally raw letter telling them how much they have hurt and angered you, then tear it up and burn it. As you watch the smoke rise, think about the fact that you are not that hurt and that anger. It is fleeting, just like everything else. As the smoke carrying your hurt and disappointment disappears into the air, you can let it go. -Renate Wuersig

26. For some wrongs, I just have to remember that they are responsible for their actions and then it is easier for me to just let it be. -Karen Garland

27. By remembering that it will free me from the burden of the stress I feel, also, if I can’t forgive then how can I expect to ever be forgiven? -Leslie Brown

28. Just look to the future instead of focusing on what’s past…think of creating new good memories to wipe away old bad ones. -Elizabeth Lindsay

29. It becomes easy when you remember a time when you were forgiven, centering on how it made you feel. -Louisya Graves

30. Understand this: whether you like it or not, over time, you will stop feeling the pain, so why hold on to something that’s going to go away anyway? -Nirav KAKU

How did I forgive when it was hard? I came to this realization: no one ever gets to the end of their life and thinks, “I wish I stayed angry longer.” They generally say one of three things: “I’m sorry,” “I forgive you,” or “I love you.”

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

NAMASTE

Quality vs. Quantity

I understand that these communication devices such as facebook, tumblr, and my blog are becoming over run with quotes and pictures with quotes on them but it does not bother me.  I would much rather hear what Eleanor Roosevelt said than what some acquaintance from years ago ate for dinner or how big their poop was after said dinner.  We are communicating more with all these things but saying so much less.  I like a funny joke, a chat about things happening in the world,  and yes, I even don't mind those people constantly posting photos of their babies because that is important and meaningful.  With text messaging it is so easy to just tell a friend every single thought that is on our mind at any given moment, whereas if we took the time each day to call a friend we would most likely only bring up what was most important.  When you are about to send a text, think to yourself, is this worth taking the time to call the friend and explain, if not, then is it really worth saying?  Believe me I am as guilty as anyone else for sending some stupid thought I had in my head, or a guess what I'm eating right now text.  But deep down inside I know it's stupid and it's killing the quality of our communication.  Something's got to give.

Many of these quotes I share truly do stay with me all day and act as reminders whenever I stray in an undesirable way.  These wonderful anecdotes shine light on the most conflicting times.  I often speak in song, as I like to say.  Which means in any conversation I could quote a song, easily and without effort.  I as well, have thoughts of my own, which is what I have been sharing more frequently than ever before this past year.  Many times when I have these thoughts of my own, I often find someone else having said the same thing somewhere down the line.  So it is hard for me to consider my random thoughts totally original but I can say, we are all one.

One recurring theme that has been troublesome this past year is the idea that, if you know a friend longer than another automatically this makes your friendship of greater importance. That is utter bullshit and only the smallest minds can think that quantity wins over quality, and if that is you then I would seriously asses the situation of your thought patterns.  Nothing anyone can say or do will deter from the truth.  The truth is that if you have only known someone for one year and in that entire year together only respect was given, only kind words spoken, only truthful actions, etc. then that is a friendship to be cherished, one to meditate on and bring you comfort and happiness.  If you have known someone for an entire lifetime but during that time, hurtful words spoken, forceful actions, lack of respect, etc but you keep that friend close for the mere sake that time is on your side?  That is sick.  That causes heart ache.  That is a small minds approach to life.  Open your mind and open your heart and try to get out of old habits.  Forgiveness is a beautiful thing, god knows I have had friends who have come in and out of my life and forgiving and moving on is the best possible outcome at the end.  This can only happen when someone does any wrong action and learns from it and changes.  It is inspiring.  Some people never learn, others never stop learning.  I call this the great divide.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Albert Einstein

As much as I think this is a great quote, it is not the true definition of insanity, in fact this is actually the definition of determination.  However, the point I wish to make with this one is about watching people slip back into old detrimental habits.  Like quiting smoking and then picking it up again.  What for?  You know it's harmful to yourself, the people around you, and the environment.  I picked up smoking again while in Europe for a month or so but as soon as I returned home I said, NO, this is not me.  I used it to aid me during a troublesome time and now that things are gold again it has no use.  Falling is easy, getting back up takes strength.  If one is dating someone and you know they used to have the tendency to do drugs, drink a lot, drink and drive, sleep around, treat woman (including their own mother) with no respect, but changed all these habits when dating you it is very difficult to break up knowing that all this potential they have shown you will be thrown down the toilet.  Into the abyss of nothingness.  As if the better person they became never even existed and was a figment of your imagination.  I quote Californication: "You have to love him for who he is, not his potential."  Men and woman out there, stop trying to "change" the "bad" guy or girl.  Find a decent human being, someone who is living up to their potential.  You can't date someone for what they can be, you must be with someone for who they are.  It is an immature way to go about finding a partner that almost every single person has fallen prey to at one time or another.  It all stems back to truly loving yourself first. 

Anyway, I am sure I could go on and on but I have to glue some constellations onto my dress for tonight's Halloween Jam, BOOYAH! 

Tao Te Ching

Every year my birthday comes around and I tend to do one special thing for myself.  I suppose that is a sign that one loves oneself enough, to appreciate the day of birth and recognize it with a gift that is unique to the individual.  It is hard to figure out exactly what to get for a loved one and as much as you want to show your love, truly the person who should know you best is you.  This past year I did a very important thing for myself:  I spent my Birthday exploring Barcelona.  While in Barcelona I gave myself the ultimate gift:  I crossed off visiting the Salvador Dali Museum in Figueres off of my bucketlist.  To this day I must say, it is by far one of my greatest achievements of all time.

The year before this past one, I bought myself a few books that I truly wanted, brand new off Amazon.  Oh man oh man when that package came in was I ever excited!  OOOOHH EEEE NEW BOOKIES!  I loved opening the package and seeing that both books had the same shimmery cover and colour scheme, sheek and clean in White, Black & hints of Silver.  Those books were Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer and the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu.  I picked out Into the Wild because I have been seriously unhealthily obsessed with the story of Christopher McCandless since I first watched the movie and if I become effected by something so intensely I cannot help but delve deeper and as fully as possible to gain the best understanding of it.  However today I am here to speak about the Tao.

I got the recommendation to read the Tao Te Ching from reading another novel, A Million Little Pieces by James Frey.  While James was in rehab he was given a copy of the Tao I believe from his brother, or perhaps a friend, either way it brought him peace and solitude during a time of dismal decay.  It sparked my curiosity so I made this my second book choice that particular year on my birthday and with further thought into my memory realm I realize it was not the last year but the one before that now about 2 and a half years ago.  I am not yet done the Tao because it is not something that needs to be read all at once.  It is a beautiful picture book with wonderful poems and antidotes that truly put me at a place of complete calmness and tranquillity.  Smooth as Jazz, as I like to say.

Some Excerpts:

ELEVEN

Thirty spokes share the wheel's hub;

It is the center hole that makes it useful.

Shape clay into a vessel;

It is the space within that makes it useful.

Cut doors and windows for a room;

It is the holes that make it useful.

Therefore profit comes from what is there;

Usefulness from what is not there.

SEVENTEEN

The very highest is barely known by men.

Then comes that which they know and love,

Then that which is feared,

Then that which is despised.

He who does not trust enough, will not be trusted.

TWENTY-TWO

Yield and overcome;

Bend and be straight;

Empty and be full;

Wear out and be new;

Have little and gain;

Have much and be confused.

Therefore wise men embrace the one

And set an example to all.

Not putting on a display,

They shine forth.

Not justifying themselves,

They are distinguished.

Not boasting,

They receive recognition.

Not bragging,

They never falter.

They do not quarrel,

So no one quarrels with them.

Therefore the ancients say, "Yield and overcome."

Is that an empty saying?

Be really whole,

and all things will come to you.

TWENTY-FOUR

He who stands on tiptoe is not steady.

He who strides cannot maintain the pace.

He who makes a show is not enlightened.

He who is self-righteous is not respected.

He who boasts achieves nothing.

He who brags will not endure.

According to followers of the Tao.

"These are extra food and unnecessary luggage."

They do not bring happiness.

Therefore followers of the Tao avoid them.

THIRTY

...

Achieve results,

But never glory in them.

Achieve results,

But never boast.

Achieve results,

But never be proud.

Achieve results,

Because this is the natural way.

Achieve results,

But not through violence.

Force is followed by lack of strength.

This is not the way of the Tao.

That which goes against the Tao

comes to an early end.

FORTY-ONE

...

The bright path seems dim;

Going forward seems like retreat;

The easy way seems hard;

The highest Virtue seems empty;

Great purity seems sullied;

A wealth of Virtue seems inadequate;

The strength of Virtue seems frail;

Real Virtue seems unreal;

The perfect square has no corners;

Great talents ripen late;

The highest notes are hard to hear;

The greatest form has no shape;

The Tao is hidden and without name.

The Tao alone nourishes and brings everything to fulfillment.

FORTY-SIX (and 2 haha tool reference)

...

There is no greater sin than desire,

No greater curse than discontent,

No greater misfortune than wanting something for oneself.

Therefore he who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Tumblr

I have been posting a lot of photos lately tumblr style and in order to give credit to those places where I found the pics I figure I should just start my own tumblr.  Here it is:

http://somethingspecialhappenedtoday.tumblr.com/

Lie Cheat and Steal

I have been receiving messages on my cellular device from Solo, my phone company, about how I am eligible for a FREE phone upgrade.  First of all, does the word "FREE" even exist in this sad sorry state of the world?  Reminds me of walking through Camden Market where all the workers at the Asian fast food booths shouting at the passerby's, "Come try Kung Poa Chicken!  Come!  Here" Waving and motioning with their arms, "It's FREE!"  Arm outstretched luring me in with meat smothered in goo on a toothpick.  One step forward and YOINKS!  She pulls the "free" sample back inwards, the other hand shoots out with an empty container, "Free you pay 4 Pounds!  Very good!"   I look at her puzzled, "paying 4 pounds does not make it free you idiot!"  So then, what does "Free phone upgrade" really mean? ... as I continue in my digression...  I am now wondering if the phone companies are in cahoots with the gas companies because this story will have me driving from place to place...

I have received "free phone upgrade" messages in the past, that is how I have come to own the present phone (present at the time of writing this and going through this but not present as in today).  The first phone I owned and operated on my own is called a Rumour.  I got a message before the beginning of summer 2011 for the upgrade. Even though my rumour was still operating just fine I figured I might as well go in and view my upgrade choices.  I ended up with this cute little thing called an Entro.  Was it in fact FREE?  Nope.  30 bucks for the phone and then another 30 for the case to protect it from my slippery grasp.  That was fine, I know "free" is never "free", so I pay and move on.  One year later this Entro starts acting up; shutting off as it so pleases and taking hours to come back to being functional.  The past month it had been acting fine again, but I decide to go take advantage of this so called "free" upgrade.  I know from previous experience that it could possibly cost me in and around 50 bones, but I figure that is better than losing my phone contacts for good if this Entro has another episode.

I'm not a big fan of the mall, I only go there when I really need something or think I need something   Thursday of that particular week I had to get some 8 X 10's printed off for my portfolio, while waiting for the development process I swing by the phone store.  Dude shows me which phones I can chose from but then when I give him my number and tell him I am in a contract with Solo he stops in his tracks, tells me Solo doesn't exist anymore and has been bought out by Bell.  I'm like:

Solo is already owned by Bell!!  There is only the illusion of choice.  Are you kidding me?  He then proceeds to tell me I have to switch my phone plan from Solo to Bell and pay Solo to get out of my contract and it will ONLY cost me $150, and oh if I act now he will give me a $50 discount!  I'm all, Gee golly Beaver, I only gotta spend $100 and I get $50 off how swell!  ^Play Again!  My contract is up in April, I am not paying to switch over to the company that I am actually already with.  I came in to get a free phone, not to waste money absurdly for shit I don't need!  While I am at the store, dude takes my phone apart, I put it back together, takes 20 minutes for it to be able to receive any messages again.  That evening I discover my phone is not working properly.  I cannot hear anything when I make a phone call or receive one.  In other words my phone is no longer acting like a fucking phone!  All I need is a phone.  I just want to be able to receive a call and make a call. I want my phone to be a phone.  I don't want it to be a compass, I don't want it to connect me to facebook, I don't want it to tell me my fucking daily horoscope, I don't want it to clean my teeth, I WANT TO MAKE A FUCKING CALL!

Next day, Friday morning I call Solo.  Oh they exist all right.  The man on the phone says I am indeed entitled to a free phone upgrade and that the dude at the store in the mall was just trying to make a sale and he was either blatantly lying to me or had no clue how to do his job.  I am given an address of a Bell store (because as I said Solo and Bell are one, always has been) to go pick out my new phone.  I drive to Eglington and Tomken and proceed indoors where Ellen is being played on a large tv screen.  I wait 20 minutes until someone comes to help me.  I say I am here for my FREE phone, show me my options!  Dude shows me one phone, that really isn't any better than my Entro.  I tell him about the dude from the other day who claimed that Solo doesn't exist, he explains that they no longer have their own section at the store and that Solo was created for students or people who don't have much money to pay for a phone and that the cheaper option no longer exists.  The kicker, he tells me I have to sign a 3 year contract to get the new phone.  I say "WHY!?  I have a two year contract already why would I now have to sign a 3 year one?  Also I did not have to sign any contract to get the Entro, why must I do that now?"  He says that's just the way it is doodle dee doo.  I tell him my contract is up soon, in which case I can sign up with someone else (aka Rogers) and get a goddamn free iphone instead of being stuck with another shitty phone for the next 3 years!  He regretfully agrees with me and knows I am right.  Unfortunately, now that the Entro magically stopped working after the last sales dude touched it, I actually NEED a phone now so that I can receive the phone call from the job I interviewed for which I was sure I would get (story to follow another time).  I ask him if it is possible for me to dig out my Rumour from my closet and switch back to it until my contract is up.  He says yes and that I should bring it in and that the store is conveniently open until 9pm.  I'm like fuck that I'm not driving back and forth and back again I got things to do, can I not just call Solo and they can do that over the phone with me.  Well yes he says.  And I'm like well why would you tell me to come back then, waste more time and gas.  Geez Loueeze!

Saturday morning, I am back on the phone with Solo.  I explain my pain to the lady on the other end.  She straight up tells me the sales dudes lied to me because they're in sales that's what they do.  She also tells me she can just send me the new phone in the mail and it will be here in 5 business days.  That's all fine and dandy I say, but I need to be able to receive a phone call by Monday.  I ask her to switch back to my Rumour.  We go through the procedure and le Rumour is back in business.  I ask her if I can still get the free phone, she says yes but I have to now extend my contract another year, then says a date that is in 2 years!! At this point I am just spun.  I tell her forget the whole thing, I will hope my Rumour lasts until April.  At that time I will shop around, learn my options and get a brand new plan.  That or drop off the face of this planet because I don't want to be a part of the lying, the cheating, the stealing.  You know most people would have been duped by the first sales dude, he would of made his commission and everyone would go on their merry way.  Not me, I have no tolerance for this shit and I never will.

Nina said this to me during this time:

"If a corporation steals from you it's called business, if you steal from a corporation it's called violence."

I do not want to live on this planet anymore.

I believe this is an expression that is used a lot, and with a hashtag on the end?

I had to ask why people were putting the number sign before bunched up words.

I feel as if I am being tested.  I think it's going to keep happening until I learn and grow.

I sit here, on the floor of a condo, floor to ceiling windows, Toronto's tallest landmark in clear view.

I am reminded of a distinct scene from the Fountainhead:

Gail Wynand leering out of his top story condo over the city he has manipulated

A gun in his hand.

The reason I can't be a part of this system

It is not the planet that I cannot be a part of

It is the humans who know better and do worse.

Don't surrender your life to the momentum of mediocrity.

Everyone's always working for the weekend

"He cares for nothing and everything at the same time.  Noble in thought weak in action.  Something has to change something has to give.  Its getting dark, too dark to see."

*Waves wash over*

-Californication

Text messaging is destroying communication.

We are messaging each other more often

pushing through absolutely meaningless non-sentences 

over thinking a response

to keep it in the boundaries allowed

its like taking the music from the ears

the colour from the eyes

instead of hearing your lover giggle over silly tones

people use the dreaded acronym

it's a scapegoat I refuse

sometimes we cant decipher 

if someone is serious or playing

there are no tones

no tones

no music

no laughter

blatant rhetoric bullshit