"Sharing Is Caring"

Nature Lately

We all are aware that life is changing on this planet; there is no denying this shift in weather.  My prediction is that those who have a close relationship to nature will survive and make it through these strange times and those who cannot find this inherited connection will surely falter under pressure.  My advice is to stay close to nature:  Feel it.  Be a part of it as much as possible.  Stand in reverence to a sunrise or sunset.  Notice the trees and fields as you drive past.  Pay close attention to the wind and storms, notice how this is remarkably connected to emotional upheaval and heated situations.  Once you tune into Mother Nature it becomes easier to predict where she moves next.

Don't forget about the animals.  Even the insects.  Notice the ones who attract the most bug bites or see more butterflies on the regular.  Gaze at the birds, watch their patterns, find their nests.  As much as I loathe insect bites, rodent scares, creepy crawly's; I can't help but feel a part of them all.  I am attracted to animals like a magnet, even the less fluffy and squishy ones.  Last year I had a cat that would visit me on my porch all summer long, I dubbed him my "porch cat" and gave him the name Finnegan.  He survived the winter and is back again this year with friendly greetings, keeping me company on these peaceful evenings.  I found a mouse on my dresser late one night.  It frightened me to no end for a minute but upon closer inspection I realized he's just a teensy mousy scared shitless of me.  My landlord/uncle made the executive decision to set up a trap and seize his life but the trap came up dry the next day.  I was relieved.  I wanted so bad to save Herbert the night he came to me but I did not have the courage to snatch him up by his tail and put him in a box to release out in the field.  I wished I had those gloves bird people use to handle vultures...

Herbert

The dead fish on the beach this year are twice the size of the ones I would find last year.  The water is remarkably lower and warmer.  It has felt like 37 degrees Celsius for weeks now.  We did not even have to shovel snow off the driveway this past winter.  The change is not just here in Canada for I strolled the parks of London in a t-shirt this past February!  It becomes even more evident the more we share our stories and meet people from around the world.  If your mind and heart is open enough we realize that we are all on the same boat as citizens of this Earth.  We are born from the Earth and are a part of it always.  One Love.

Taking Pride in Your Work

I could've written a brilliant piece the other night but I was far too concerned with getting the appropriate amount of sleep so that I could function up to par at work the next day.  I laid there in bed that night while shadows danced on my walls, words racing through my mind a mile a minute, true and definite solutions coming intensely to the forefront of my mind creating clarity and excitable calmness.  I felt remarkably in touch with "reality" and as much as I wanted to hold down those thoughts with the reigns of writing I made the choice to shut down my head and count myself off into the wonders of the dream world.  Of course I could not remember those brilliant thoughts the next day.  However a few days later one aspect of those ideas that night came back to me;  that dying must feel an awful lot like dancing.  Reaching upwards and swaying in the midst of colours...

I am OK with losing that self proclaimed brilliant thought.  I decided to sleep at a decent hour because I had to be at work; if I was late I would be letting down too many people.  This past week I took care of 16 children, 6 of whom I knew from last summer.  People can go about dismissing the adults they work with and for but with children it is a different mind set.  There is so much hope that these kids could become something so fantastic and you better believe that I'm not going to be the one to disappoint them.  I will not be late or hungover or  unhealthy because I want to help persevere their innocence the best I can.  I want to keep their dreams alive, show them that this world is beautiful and that life is filled with wanderlust. At the end of the day, when the kids don't want to go home or don't even notice that the end of the day is here it gives me that sense of accomplishment that I did my job well.  I am so proud of the work I did this past week and even more so that there will be "forever memories".

I do many jobs at random times and the truth is that I am proud of it all, this includes the work that I do not get paid to do and I appreciate it when it is not dismissed as a hobby or a waste of time.  Even something as simple as writing this blog, to me, is still my work that I enjoy and am proud to share and be a part of.  Ever since society has put a monetary hold on our work we have lost sight of what we should be doing in order to create a happy and well-functioning life.  I am done with people who judge anyone on how much they make.  I've had enough of those who work in a field, not because they enjoy it and it moves their soul, but because it  makes them enough money to hold up a certain stature in society.  Let's get free and forget about the ridiculous doctrine that work is not acceptable unless it is 9-5 and brings you down and inhibits you from enjoying the finer things that life has to offer.  After all, freedom is another word for nothing left to lose.

Benjamin Button

Am I supposed to feel older as time passes by?  Because I definitely feel younger everyday.  I look at life as if I were a child who's never known or seen hardships.  I try my best to shake off all those things in life that effect you and turn you jaded and sour.  I was a very serious child;  listening in on the adults' conversations while seeking refuge behind my mother's tallness instead of actively seeking friendship with kids my own age.  I was an extremely shy and imaginative kid.  Books, nature, animals and music were my best friends and that has not changed at all over the years.  I've been an avid tree climber my whole life and I will never stop swinging around like a monkey, you can't make me if you tried!  I got my first clock radio when I was in grade one and I immediately tuned it to 1050 chum and thought I could grow up to be Diana Ross or one of the Supremes.  I would walk aimlessly around the school yard alone when I had no friends and be in complete bliss while discovering new dimensions and magical worlds whenever I passed through the appropriate tree branch or certain rock.  My brother recalls that time when I had no friends in grade one and he felt sorry for me as he saw me walk back and forth along the fence and tree line all recess long.  A few years ago I remember him reminiscing to me about this and how he invited me to play hockey with him and his friends.  It was really nice of him to have his little sister tag along but to be completely honest my memories and feelings of the situation were not sad.  I was not sad to be alone walking back and forth because I swear on my life I was in a magical kingdom where anything was possible!  This sense of wonder will live in me forever I just know it.  I do not in any way shape or form feel the pressure that people my "age" feel; aka marriage and children.  All I care about is happiness and spreading good vibes all over the world!

You Can't Always Get What You Want

You can't always get what you want.  "To Want" is an element of the Ego and I find life works best for me when I stay away from desires of the Ego.  With patience and perseverance I've learned that I do end up obtaining exactly what I need after I lose that which I want.  I no longer look at rejection as a setback; in fact it has no meaning in my life anymore.  I've had enough rejection through my life but I am now presently at a place where I am thriving more than ever before.  With the right attitude and out look I have been able to achieve peace and freedom unlike ever before.  My shield no longer protects me from heartbreak because I've opened my heart right up but rather this new shield protects me from bad energy, those that look to suck your soul of happiness and freedom.

During my dark ages I conjured up a dream to get into costume design and work in theater and or film.  Soon after I escaped the dark and moved into the light I got a message from my oldest friend in the world about a job opening as Head of Wardrobe at the theater in Port Dover.  My best childhood memories are of  summers in Port Dover and the Norfolk area.  For me this chance to work in Port Dover was such an exceptional opportunity; I would be fulfilling a dream job and living in serenity close to family I love.  I scored an interview for this position and was second in line to obtaining it but I did not get the job in the end.  I was disappointed but I truly understood why the other woman got it over me, after all she had a list of experience that I could not measure up to.  A year later the same theater tried to bring me back through a government funded grant.  The grant would have me working under the head of the wardrobe, learning and gaining the experience I need to obtain future jobs in this field.  My hopes were so high; I wanted to use the power of thought to obtain what I wanted but I also did not want to convince myself so much that I would achieve it that which in the end would leave me more heartbroken and disappointed.  I finally got the phone call that I had been pacing over for months: I did not get the grant.  I broke down.  I was crushed.  I fucking wanted that job and this was now the second time I lost it.  I wanted to live by the beach, be close to family, get the experience I needed to obtain this dream career...

A few days later I get a phone call from my friend.  She said that she understood that it was not the same thing but as a consolation I could come and work with her at the theater and run a theater based summer camp with children.  I immediately said yes.  She also managed to get the theater to hire me on as a costume builder for a production of The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe.  Ever since I was a child I have always wanted to be a teacher.  Through out high school my teaching plans geared more towards psychology with the idea of perhaps becoming a youth councilor.  While working on the youth programs for the theater last summer I became both a teacher and a psychologist to all these children and young adults; it added this new purpose to my work.  I did not obtain that job that I so desperately wanted but because that door closed behind me I was able to go forth and open the next one which sent me into a natural direction obtaining another ideal area of work that I have always been so interested in.  This summer I am back to working with the kids again.  They bring me so much joy and laughter unlike any other job I've ever had.  I try my best to be a positive influence and to take the time to get into the minds of the more troubled kids in a sincere and understanding way.  Everyday that I work with the kids I have a new hilarious and interesting story to share. Their intelligence never ceases to amaze me and it warms my heart.

I have a new outlook on what rejection is now.  After having gone through enough rejection in my life and feeling lost and let down I have now realized that there is no such thing as rejection.  Rejection has not a single thread of meaning anymore.  Had I achieved that which rejected me I would not be able to have opened these new doors to a brighter and more fulfilling future.  Every time I have not got what I wanted I ended up getting exactly what I needed.  I feel free from failure and rejection because I have faith that I am on the right course in life and I am reminded of it in the best possible way when it is most needed.  I came to terms about this new outlook while on the bus coming home from a field trip with about 70 kids from my friend's theater school last Friday; we went to Stratford to watch "Your a Good Man Charlie Brown".  I was in deep thought on the bus home staring out the window at the green pastures as I often do.  I was coming to terms with how a boy whom I really like did not call me after a much anticipated "date".  I did not seek to know any reasons why because to me the reason does not matter; the fact is he didn't try and that is all that I need to know to move on.  I understood how it made me sad and I accepted it as I do with all things that are out of my control.  I wrote this chapter on the bus and then went out this past weekend with an open mind and heart ready to accept new experiences.  Fireworks.  I met someone who gives a damn, somebody more like myself.  Someone unlike anyone I've ever met before.  Someone who says the greatest things my ears have ever heard such as "I'm going to teach you how to play piano."  Me: "Do you know how to play piano?"  Him:  "No.  But I will learn so that I can teach you."

We can save our own souls with the right outlook on life and by openly expressing our freedom with like minded souls with all the pride in the world.