I made a resolution this past New Year's: To learn and to practice meditation. Throughout my entire life I have always been fully aware of spirituality, but of course as society influences us so, that course towards a better understanding of the nature of things has been a bit of a struggle, as it should be. I grew up Catholic; not the kind of "Catholic" where your parents force you to go to church or even to believe in God for that matter, but the type of "Catholic" where your Father's parents, A very Ukranian Baba and Dido, devote their lives to the church. It would have truly devastated them had their grandchildren not been raised with a Catholic upbringing and because of this I always went to a Catholic School where I grew up with stories about Jesus and his friends. We got to get out of class every few months to gather in a chapel and sing songs like "Onward Christian Soldier" and even better "This little light of mine, oh I'm going to let it Shine!" You will often catch me singing church songs at random moments, they've lived on in me forever. My parents actually only ever made themselves, my brother, and I go to church at a time when it was most difficult for us as a family. To be honest, those were the times when I did in fact pray every single night whole heartily.
I always read a lot and was very inquisitive growing up and I specifically remember the time when I began questioning the bible. The reason I began questioning its credibility was because I could see that people were actually taking it literally. They did not see it as a story book the way I did, full of interesting fables and tales designed to make one ponder a lesson or seek another approach to understanding their troubles. Suddenly I saw humans as the unreasonable and flawed species that we have all grown ambivalent towards. Long story short, grade 8 came around and the teacher had the brilliant idea to bring in Mrs. Nazareth (one of the recess helpers) to come into our classroom and reiterate to a bunch of 13 year olds how to do the rosary. They thought they could get away with it by giving us the "choice" to take part or not. Of course I said if you are giving me the "choice" then I don't want to take part. I got sent to the office and was asked to write up a report on why I chose to not take part and have my parents sign it. I did as I was told. I did not think my parents would have a problem, they knew I was no dummy and definitely not a follower of the masses, but even they asked me why I am in a Catholic School? I explained my reasons, the Catholic schools in my neighbourhood provide a better education and that is why I am in school, to learn, duh. I was then able to sit in the hallway every time the class had to sit and recite (and make faces behind the teachers back) the rosary; but not without ridicule from classmates of course. Catholic High School was so much more open about faith. Religion class was the best possible bird course one could fly through; instantly raising my grade average every year. I remember first year was all about "Morals and Values" AMEN to that. Isn't that what it truly should be about? Live and let live? Love thy neighbour as you would love thyself? Jesus is my homeboy.
My favourite memory comes from third year where we had the pleasure to learn about World Religions; this opened my mind to the ideas of Hinduism, Buddhism, and Native Spirituality. At the start of that semester we were all asked to draw where we see the "face of God". I gave this project thought; I knew I didn't see the dude up in the clouds that we often see portrayed on the Simpsons. I drew a picture of a tree. For me, this has always been my strength and my peace. It's not just the image of the tree but what it represents: The living soul that always endures and radiates energy to produce more life force. Even after a tree dies, think of all it has left behind in it's path: Oxygen to give us life, birds it helped house, insects fed off of, and the seedlings gone airborne and landing off in the distance producing a new generation of it's kin.
A random seedling found it's way into the perfect place, my backyard. It sprouted from the Earth 3 years ago, exactly around the time that I had finally found the courage to leave a distressed six year relationship, to pick up my pieces, go home, and start all over again. I've been watching this tree grow with reverence everyday since, and am marveled at how much it has grown and am reminded always of the reason I moved back home and all that has changed after escaping what I refer to as my "dark ages". As much as I would like to just pretend those years never happened, I need the reminder so as to never let the same mistakes happen again. This tree is a rare Oak and one day I hope to tie a yellow ribbon around it. Some bugs have been eating away at it's unique leaves lately but I have faith that the tree, like me, will persevere and thrive in it's glory and one day provide shade for children playing under it under the summer sun.
Upon reading into how to meditate I have come across other books that folks have written about spirituality and awareness. I have learned that I was already naturally on the right course; studying deeper into it has given me such reassurance in my path. I have been meditating my entire life but did not know there was a name for it. While living next to the lake last summer, I often spoke about how important I feel that water is in our life and how much I would miss it to the bone when I had not been near a lake or stream and especially rushing waves in a while. How it has the power to rejuvenate and awaken our souls. One more week and I will be back living next to the beach and I cannot wait to spend my days at peace.
I will end this post with one more concept to meditate upon that is ever so important to spiritual growth and that I am sure to elaborate on in the near future:
Taking Pride in Your Work
